Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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