It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
