Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
