Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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