1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
