Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
