Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
