I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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