So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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