thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
