wrigley field is MILF paradise
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
