We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
