Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
