I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
love makes seman taste better
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
