I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
