so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
