My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
