Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
