Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
