we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
