The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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