What did we do last night that was yellow?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
