Screwed.edu
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this just has baby written all over it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
