Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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