I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
