rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Come share oat with me in your robe
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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