Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
