Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
