After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
