OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
