I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
