you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
