Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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