I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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