Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
