I am puke
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
