Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
