everyone is single if you try hard enough
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
