i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is the high leading the old right now
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
