i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
