Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
