Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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