You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
