Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
