My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she told me i tasted like america
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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