dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
