3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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