I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
