that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
