Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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